There is so much out there on how to be this or that kind of parent or even human being. It seems there have always been stacks of articles, books, pamphlets, blogs, blogs, blogs… The advice and info goes this way, goes full circle back that way…
Just like fashion in the industry, parenting and self help advice seems to go in and out of style. Some resonates, some does not appeal to us at all.
I am on a path right now, THE path of my formerly nomadic life, by comparison. I have been reading. A lot. And, in reading one of the best books I now believe ever to have been written, finally, some time tested and sound advice!
Develop these qualities: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
How can I go wrong with this as a start and end point to the way I try to live as an individual, a spouse, a parent, a teacher, home-maker, and someone’s child? Whatever I am about to say, think or do, if it is not in line with those qualities, I probably should press the pause button, before moving forward. We really can stop, press the pause button, pray or meditate (whatever your mode of getting a hold of yourself is) and, while it isn’t easy, it does become easier with practice.
Maybe I am just seeing things differently, now that I am 38. But I am really no longer all that interested in re- writing the book on parenting or being a decent human being. I was given a gut, a book chock full of guidelines to benefit me and those around me and a choice with what to do with it. That’s it. Not for everyone, I know. But I am talking about me and my modus operandi and this is, after all, my blog. You are welcome to keep doing what you are doing.
I just find it amazing that, throughout thousands of years, history repeats itself one way or another. I am going with some time tested advice. Yup, that’s what I am going to continue to do… I have spent entirely too much time making myself too crazy trying to figure things out all by myself. I guess, all children need to walk away, find their own way and then… it’s amusing really… do everything they can to find their way back home again.
I have spent a good amount of time with my father, this last month. I love my Dad. He and my mother, both, are true examples of resilience and, while I haven’t always agreed with him or held my tongue about where I have disagreed, as I explored the great big world around me through the years… the last time I was with my father, I spent a great deal of time really listening to him and saying, “Okay.”
It felt good to say, “Okay.” My Mom, fortunately, remains in this country, so I will have plenty of opportunities to say that word to her to. And I hope to spend the rest of my life lifting her up as much as she and my Dad have, throughout my life, have lifted me up.
But now, I will go back to sharing about my father. He takes a plane today and I feel the urgency of that deadline to our time together. As I tried to memorize his physique, the last time he stood and walked next to me, the way he carries himself, the way he reaches out to touch people’s lives in the way he does, the way in which he interacts with people around him on a daily basis, the way he gets misty eyed over birthday cards from my brothers, and their and my accomplishments… He is truly one of my heroes.
He’s a faithful good citizen and beautiful father. I have had this privilege of being a part of his life and to watch him display and even master those qualities I mention above. He’s not perfect. He will never be. Neither will I ever be. That gives me hope that perfection isn’t the goal. But striving to get there is a worthy endeavor. Those qualities above can help me on that road.
Not everyone gets a chance to have or see his/her father like that. He is going home to the Philippines to retire now and I know how lucky I have been to have had him all this time in my life. There are moments we all regret. How much more time could we have spent together if I only…. but I can’t go there. That isn’t in line with the list of helpful words. That moves into judgement, which is the worst quality of all. Just watch what mistakes we’ll look back on and hope to forget. But that is the fabric of life. Let’s just learn from all of it and work on that sound advice above.
I am going back to the basics. I am going to trust I have been given all that I need to fulfill my purpose for being in this world. From the parents that brought me into this world, through their best and worst mistakes, etc… Those qualities are a great reminder of what I, we, are capable of in working towards being our best example for our kids. What a promise, if we could all follow such sound advice.
Have you any better to offer than that?
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Today, especially, is our day. Thank you to all the Moms before us (especially mine) who came and marked our lives forever. Thank you for our own opportunity to leave our own legacy for the future Moms, Dads and the human beings, we raise. What an honor. What a privilege. What a calling for us all! May continued blessings reign upon the most important job on earth. Keep doing what you are doing because – even though most days you may not feel you can manage all the intricate details and the great balancing act that is our life – no one can do this better than you, so keep doing what you are doing. Happy Mother’s Day to us all!
